The Rocky Horror Show
written by Richard OŽBrien

                PROLOGUE
MAGENTA:                Michael Rennie was ill
(As Usherette)          The day the earth stood still
                        But he told us where we stand
                        And flash gordon was there
                        In silver underwear
                        Claude rains was the invisible man
                        Then something went wrong
                        For Fay Wray and king kong
                        They got caught in a celluloid jam
                        Then at a deadly pace
                        It came from outer space
                        And this is how the message ran.

                        CHORUS:
                        Science fiction - double feature
Phantoms do the         Dr X will build a creature
Oohhs etc.              See Androids fighting Brad and Janet
                        Anne Francis stars in forbidden planet
                        Oh - at the late night double feature
                        Picture show

                        I knew Leo G. Carrol
                        was over a barrel
                        When tarrantula took to the hills
                        And I got really hot
                        When I saw Jeanette Scott
                        Fight a triffed that spits poison and kills
                        Dana Andrews said prunes
                        Gave him the ruhnes
                        And passing them
                        used lots of skills
                        But when worlds collide
                        Said George Pal to his bride
                        I'm going to give you some terrible thrills
                        Like a -

                                           (Chorus)

                        SCENE ONE

                        Wedding bells are ringing -
                        (Phantom voices)

                        BRAD and JANET are both
                        breathless.

JANET:                  Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful - didn't Betty look
                        radiantly beautiful - I can't believe it - just an
                        hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she's
                        Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt.

BRAD:                   Yes, Janet - Ralf's a lucky guy.

JANET:                  Yes.

BRAD:                   Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook.

JANET:                  Yes.

BRAD:                   And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a
                        year or two.

JANET:                  Yes.

BRAD:                   Hey, Janet, I've got something to say
                        I really loved the skillful way
                        You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet

                                                                (Phantoms)
                        The river was deep but I swam it.               (Janet)
                        The future is ours so let's plan it.            (Janet)
                        So please don't tell me to can it.              (Janet)
                        I've one thing to say and that's ...
                        Damn it - Janet - I love you.
                                                                (Phantoms)
                        The road was long but I ran it.                 (Janet)
                        There's a fire in my heart and you
                        fan it.                                         (Janet)
                        If there's one fool for you then I am it.       (Janet)
                        I've one thing to say and that's ...
                        Damn it - Janet - I love you.

                        Here's a ring to prove I'm no joker
                        (Bell voices)
                        There's three ways that love can grow
                        That's good - bad - or mediocre
                        Janet - (Janet echoed B. backing voices)
                        I love you so.

                                                                (Phantoms)
JANET:                  Oh it's nicer than Betty Munroe had.    (Oh Brad)
                        Now we're engaged and I'm so glad.      (Oh Brad)
                        That you've met Mom and you know
                        Dad.                                    (Oh Brad)
                        I've one thing to say and that's ....
                        Brad - I'm mad - for you too.

                        Oh Brad.

BRAD:                   Oh damn it.

JANET:                  I'm mad.

BRAD:                   Oh Janet.

JANET:                  For you.
                                                        (Phantoms)
BRAD:                   I love you too - there's one thing left
                        to do and that's....
                        Go see the man who began it             (Janet)
                        When we met in his science exam
                        it                                      (Janet)
                        Made me give you the eye and then
                        panic                                   (Janet)
                        Now I've one thing to say and that's ....
                        Damn it - Janet - I love you.

                        Damn it Janet.

JANET:                  Oh Brad I'm mad.

BRAD:                   Damn it Janet.

BOTH:                   I love you.

                                --------------

NARRATOR:               I would like - if I may - to take you on a strange
                        journey.

                        It seemed a farily ordinary night
                        When Brad Majors, and his fiance'
                        Janet Weiss... (two young ordinary healthy
                        kids)... left Denton that late November evening
                        to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott ex tutor and now
                        friend to both of them...

                        It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy -
                        black and pendulous - toward which they were
                        driving, it's true also that the spare tyre they
                        were carrying was badly in need of some air - but they
                        being normal kids and on a night out - well - tyhey
                        were not going to let a storm spoil the events of
                        their evening.
                        On a night out...

                        It was a night out they were to remember for a
                        very - long - time.


                                SCENE TWO

                                SOUND OF CAR RADIO
                                A car approaching through a stormy
                                 night.

                                CAR STOPS.  CLICK RADIO OFF.


BRAD:                   Hmmm...

JANET:                  What's the matter, Brad darling?

BRAD:                   I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back there.
                        We'd better go on ahead up the road and see if we can
                        find our way back.

                                        (They move off)

                                        BLOWOUT

BRAD:                   Oh darn!  Janet.

JANET:                  What was that bang?

BRAD:                   We seem to have a blow-out in the front off-side tyre.

JANET:                  Oh... (pause)

                                        (LIGHTNING)

BRAD:                   You'd better stay here and keep warm while I go for
                        help.

JANET:                  But where will you go?  We're in the middle of
                        nowhere.

BRAD:                   Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few
                        miles?  Maybe they have a telephone I might use.

JANET:                  I'm coming with you.

BRAD:                   There's no point in both of use getting wet.

JANET:                  I'm coming with you.  Besides, darling, the owner
                        of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and you
                        may never come back.

BRAD:                   Ha Ha Ha.

                                        (Phantoms take up the laughter -
                                        They exit)

                                        (MUSIC)

JANET:                  In the velvet darkness
                        of the blackest night
                        burning bright - there's a guiding star
                        no matter what or who you are.

BRAD & JANET:           There's a light

ALL:                    Over at the Frankenstein place

BRAD & JANET:           There's a light

ALL:                    Burning in the fireplace

JANET:                  There's a light... Light in the darkness of
                        everybody's life.

BRAD:                   I can see the flag fly
                        I can see the rain
                        Just the same - there has got to be
                        Something better here - for you and me

BRAD & JANET:           There's a light

ALL:                    Burning in the fireplace

BRAD:                   There's a light... Light in the darkness of
                        everybody's life.

RIFF RAFF:              (from doorway)
                        The darkness must flow
                        Down the river of nights dreaming
                        Flow morphia slow let the sun and light
                        Come streaming into my life

ALL:                    Into my life

JANET & BRAD:           There's a light

ALL:                    Over at the Frankenstein Place

JANET & BRAD:           There's a light

ALL:                    Burning in the fireplace
                        There's a light - light

JANET & BRAD:           In the darkness of everybody's life.

JANET:                  (screams)

BRAD:                   It's all right, Janet.

JANET:                  Oh Brad let's go back.  I'm cold and I'm frightened.

BRAD:                   Just a moment, Janet, they may have a telephone.

                                        (He rings the bell... No answer
                                        ... RINGS again... At last the
                                        door opens)

RIFF RAFF:              (Looking past them as if for others, or someone
                        else)  Hello.

BRAD:                   Oh:  Uh:  Ahh:  Hi there, we're in a bit of a spot, I
                        wonder could you help us - our car is broken down about
                        2 miles back - do you have a telephone we might use...

RIFF RAFF:              (pause)  You're wet.

JANET:                  Yes - the rain has been very heavy.

BRAD:                   Yes.

RIFF RAFF:              Yes - (lightning)  I think you better both come inside.

JANET:                  You're too kind.

NARRATOR:               And so - after braving the inclement weather, and some
                        not too little time - it seemed that fortune had smiled
                        on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assis-
                        tance that their plight required - or had they ? -
                        There was certainly something about this house (to
                        which, a flat tyre and a wet night had brought them)
                        that made the both of them feel apprehensive and
                        uneasy - But, if they were to reach their destination
                        that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and
                        take advantage of whatever help was offered.



                                SCENE THREE

                                Interior DIMLY LIT.


RIFF RAFF:              Wait here.

JANET:                  (looking around)   Oh Brad what sort of a place is
                        this I'm frightened.

BRAD:                   It's probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich
                        weirdos - but you're shivering.

JANET:                  Yes I'm wet.

BRAD:                   Look feel this - there's hot air coming from this
                        grill in the wall - take your raincoat and dry it here.
                        I'll keep a look out for the undertaker.

JANET:                  Oh!

BRAD:                   For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.
                        I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.

                                        (She smiles)

                        Here dry my coat too.

JANET:                  O.K.
                                        (We are aware of FRANK looking
                                        at JANET - lights COME UP.
                                        BRAD and JANET whirl around
                                        see FRANK.  Freeze)

JANET:                  Oh!

BRAD:                   It's alright, Janet.

                                        (RIFF RAFF appears with
                                        COLUMBIA and MAGENTA)

RIFF RAFF, COLUMBIA
MAGENTA:                Master.

FRANK:                  How do you do
                        I see you've met my faithful handyman
                        He's a little brought down
                        Because when you knocked
                        He thought you were the candyman
                        Don't get strung out by the way that I look
                        Don't judge a book by its cover
                        I'm not much of a man
                        By the light of day
                        But by night I'm one hell of a lover

                        I'm just a sweet Transvestite
                        From Transexual
                        Transalvania.

                        Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
                        You look like you're both pretty groovie
                        Or if you want something visual that's not too
                        abysmal
                        We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

BRAD:                   I'm glad we caught you at home
                        Ah - could we use your phone
                        We're both in a bit of a hurry
                        We'll just say where we are
                        Then go back to the car,
                        We don't want to be any worry.

FRANK:                  You got caught with a flat
                        Well how about that
                        Well babie's don't you panic
                        By the light of the night
                        It'll all seem alright
                        I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

                        I'M JUST A
                        SWEET TRANSVESTITE
                        FROM TRANSEXUAL
                        TRANSALVANIA

                        Why don'tcha stay for the night    (Servants - "night")
                        Or maybe a bite                    (Servants - "bite")
                        I could show you my favourite obsession
                        I've been making a man
                        With blond hair and a tan
                        and he's good for relieving my tension.

                        I'M JUST A
                        SWEET TRANSVESTITE
                        FROM TRANSEXUAL
                        TRANSALVANIA

                        I'M JUST A
                        SWEET TRANSVESTITE
                        FROM TRANSEXUAL
                        TRANSALVANIA

                                        * * * * * *

                        So come up to the lab
                        and see what's on the slab
                        I see you shiver with anticipation
                        But maybe the rain
                        Is really to blame
                        So I'll remove the cause but not the symptom

                                        (FRANK exits.

                                        The SERVANTS undress JANET and
                                        BRAD.  They are reduced to 50's
                                        underwear)

BRAD:                   (aside to JANET)  It's all right, Janet, everything's
                        gonna be all right we'll just play along for now - and
                        we'll pull out the aces when the time is right.

JANET:                  This is no time for card tricks, Brad, are you sure
                        we'll be alright?

BRAD:                   I'm sure, Janet.  (to COLUMBIA, MAGENTA and
                        RIFF RAFF)   Uh.  Hi, there - I'm Brad Majors,
                        this is Janet Weiss - my fiance'e - You are...

COLUMBIA:               You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's
                        laboratory, a lot of people would give their right
                        arm for the privilege.

BRAD:                   People like you maybe.

COLUMBIA:               I've seen it.

JANET:                  Is he... is Frank... your husband?

RIFF RAFF:              The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever
                        will be - we are simply his servants.

JANET:                  Then he's very lucky.

MAGENTA:                Yeah - you're lucky - I'm lucky - he's lucky
                        we're all lucky...

COLUMBIA:               All except Eddie.

RIFF RAFF &
MAGENTA:                SSHHH!!!

JANET:                  Eddie?

MAGENTA:                The delivery boy.

RIFF RAFF:              SSHHH!!!

COLUMBIA:               His delivery wasn't good enough.

RIFF RAFF:              The master only wanted to help the boy better his
                        position.

BRAD:                   That's very commendable...

RIFF RAFF:              Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went...

JANET:                  Where?

RIFF RAFF:              To pieces.

                                        (MAGENTA, COLUMBIA and RIFF
                                        RAFF sing)

RIFF RAFF:              It's astounding - Time is fleeting
                        Madness takes its toll
                        But listen closely - not for very much longer
                        I've got to keep control.
                        I remember doing the time warp
                        Drinking those moments when
                        The Blackness would hit me - The void would be
                        calling

ALL:                    Let's do the Time Warp again (twice)

CHORUS,
NARRATOR
(MR. BASSMAN):          It's just a jump to the left

ALL:                    And then a step to the right

NARRATOR:               With your hands on your hips

ALL:                    You bring your knees in tight

TRIO:                   But it's the pelvic thrust
                        That starts to drive you insane

ALL:                    Let's do the time warp again (twice)

MAGENTA:                It's so dreamy - oh Fantasy Free Me
                        So you can't see me - no not at all
                        In another dimension - with voyeuristic intention
                        Well secluded - I'll see all
                        With a bit of a mind flip - you're there in the
                        time slip
                        Nothing can ever be the same
                        You're spaced out on sensation
                        Like you're under sedation

                        Let's do the time warp again (twice)

                                        (MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF make an
                                        extraterrestial sign to each other)

COLUMBIA:               Well I was walking down the street
                        Just having a think
                        When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
                        Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise
                        He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes
                        Oh - he stared at me and I felt a change
                        Time meant nothing - never would again

ALL:                    Let's do the time warp again (twice)

                        CHORUS REPEAT

                                        (COLUMBIA dances to half a verse
                                        of "Time Warp" as sung by other two)

ALL:                    Let's do the Time Warp again (twice)

                        REPEAT CHORUS.



                                SCENE FOUR

                                The laboratory.


FRANK:                  Unlock a mind - unmind a lock - it's the same as
                        the beginning of the end - do you follow?

JANET:                  No.

BRAD:                   It's an anagram, Janet.

FRANK:                  I wonder may I offer you something refreshing.

BRAD & JANET:           No.

FRANK:                  No.  You're right I won't - how delightful to have
                        fresh faces around.  Magenta - Columbia - go and
                        assist Riff Raff - I will entertain - Ahh.

BRAD:                   Brad Majors.

FRANK:                  Brad Majors.

BRAD:                   And this is my fiance'e Janet Weiss.

JANET:                  Weiss.

BRAD:                   Weiss.

FRANK:                  Enchante'.  How nice - and what charming underclothes
                        you both have - but here, put these on.  Oh but here.
                        Thank you thing.

                                        (He hands them robes)

                        It'll make you feel less vulnerable.  We don't often
                        receive visitors here, let alone show them
                        hospitality...

BRAD:                   Hospitality!  All we wanted was to use your phone,
                        a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore.

JANET:                  Don't be ungrateful, Brad.

BRAD:                   Ungrateful!!

FRANK:                  How forceful you are, Brad, what a perfect example
                        of manhood - so dominant - you must be very proud,
                        Janet.

JANET:                  Yes.

FRANK:                  Tell me Brad, do you have any tattoos?

BRAD:                   Certainly not.

FRANK:                  Oh well... (to JANET)  How about you?

                                        (Enter RIFF RAFF)

RIFF RAFF:              Everything is in readiness master, we merely
                        wait for you to give the word.

FRANK:                  Tonight, Brad and Janet, Paradise is to be mine...

JANET:                  Oh how wonderful for you.

FRANK:                  It was strange the way it happened
                        one of those quirks of fate really
                        one of those moments when...
                        Everything looks black the chips are down
                        Your back is against the wall
                        You panic - you're trapped - there's no
                        way out and even if there was it would
                        probably be a one way ticket
                        to the bottom of the bay.  And then
                        suddenly you get a break - all the pieces
                        seem to fit into place - what a sucker
                        you'd been - what a fool - the answer
                        was there all the time - it took a small
                        accident to make it happen.

ALL:                    (look at FRANK in blank amazement)

FRANK:                  An accident, (MAGENTA and COLUMBIA repeat
                        "accident")  Oh God, that's how I discovered the
                        secret - that elusive ingredient - that spark that is
                        the breath of life.  Yes - I have that knowledge I
                        hold the key to life itself you see Brad and Janet you
                        are fortunate for tonight is the time my beautiful
                        creature is destined to be born...
                        Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator
                        and then step the reactor power input up three
                        more points...

JANET:                  Brad!!

BRAD:                   It's alright, Janet.

ROCKY:                  The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
                        And I've got the feeling someone's
                        Going to be cutting the thread
                        Oh woe is me - my life is a misery
                        Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
                        of a pretty big downer

                        I woke up this morning with a start when
                        I fell out of the bed.

ALL:                    That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:                  And left from my dreaming was a feeling
                        of unamiable dread.

ALL:                    That ain't no crime.
                        My high is low - I'm dressed up with no place
                        to go and all I know is I'm at the
                        start of a pretty big downer.

ROCKY:                  (That ain't no crime)
                                                                Oh no no no no

ALL:                    (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)

ROCKY:                  (That ain't no crime)
                                                                Oh no no no no

ALL:                    (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
                        (That ain't no crime)

NARRATOR:               Rocky Horror you need peace of mind - and I want
                        to tell you that you're doing just fine
                        You're the product of another time and
                        feeling down well that's no crime.

ALL:                    That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:                  The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head

ALL:                    That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:                  And I've got the feeling someone's going
                        be cutting the thread.

ALL:                    That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:                  Oh woe is me - my life is a mystery
                        Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
                        of a pretty big downer.
                        (That ain't no crime)
                                                                Oh no no no no
                        (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)

FRANK:                  Well really - that's no way to behave on your
                        first day out.

ROCKY:                  Well nobody's perfect - But I do think
                        you made a pretty good job of the body work.

FRANK:                  You are the result of may hours of toil - and now
                        my beautiful creature you're ready for the ultimate
                        test.

ROCKY:                  Oh dear.

FRANK:                  But first meet the family, Magenta, Rocky.

MAGENTA:                Hello Rocky.

ROCKY:                  Hello Magenta.

FRANK:                  Riff Raff - Rocky.

RIFF RAFF:              Hello Rocky.

ROCKY:                  Hello Riff Raff.

FRANK:                  Columbia - Rocky.

COLUMBIA:               Hello Rocky.

ROCKY:                  Hello Columbia.

FRANK:                  Hello.  Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think?

JANET:                  I don't like men with too many muscles.

FRANK:                  I didn't make him for you dear.

                        He carries the Charles Atlas seal of
                        approval -
                        A weakling weighing 98 pounds
                        Got sand in his face when kicked to the
                        ground
                        His girl split on him
                        And soon in the gym
                        The sweat from his pores
                        As he worked for his cause
                        Made him glisten and gleam
                        And with massage and steam
                        He was thin but quite clean
                        He was in good shape

ALL:                    But the wrong shape

FRANK:                  He ate nutritious High-Protein
                        And swallowed raw eggs
                        Tried to build up his shoulders,
                        His chest, arms and legs
                        Then a magazine advert with a new muscle plan
                        (said)

ALL:                    In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK:                  He'd done press ups and chin ups
                        Clean and jerked.  Done the Snatch
                        Thought dynamic tension must be a catch
                        So he re-read the advert to see how it ran

ALL:                    In just seven days I can make you a man.

                                        (A large container 6'6" - 7' high -
                                        4.5' wide resembling a 1940's fridge
                                        with the "Eddie" air-brushed on the
                                        door becomes lit - the door opens
                                        - "Eddie" appears.

COLUMBIA:               Eddie.

                                        He is battered and shows the
                                        occasional seam, wearing extremely
                                        thick crepe soled shoes, (black
                                        leather drainpipes, skin tight) -
                                        drape coat - no tie, open necked.
                                        (Must hint of Frankenstein's Monster)
                                        Clothes mustn't look new.  INTO -

EDDIE:                  Whatever happened to Saturday night
                        When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright
                        It don't seem the same since cosmic light
                        Came into my life and I thought I was divine
                        I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
                        And listen to the music on the radio
                        A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll Show
                        And you climbed in the back and you really had
                        A good time

ALL:                    Hot Patootie bless my soul
                        I really love that Rock and Roll (four times)

EDDIE:                  My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt
                        My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
                        I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when
                        I'd melt
                        And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was
                        mine
                        Get back in front and put some hair oil on
                        Buddy Holly was singing his very last song
                        With your arm round your girl you'd try to
                        sing along
                        You felt pretty good cause you'd really had
                        A good time.

ALL:                    Hot Patootie bless my soul
                        I really love that Rock and Roll.  (Repeat 8 times)

                                        (EDDIE exits back into the container)

FRANK:                  One from the vaults.

ROCKY:                  How can you keep him around.  He's so ugly.

FRANK:                  A certain naive charm
                        But no muscle
                        We had a mental relationship -
                        But a deltoid and a bicep
                        A hot groin and a tricep
                        Makes me shake
                        Makes me want to take
                        Charles Atlas by the hand.

ALL:                    In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK:                  I don't want no dissension
                        Just dynamic tension

JANET:                  I'm a muscle fan.

ALL:                    In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK:                  Dig it if you can.

ALL:                    In just seven days I can make you a man.

                                        (BLACKOUT)

NARRATOR:               There are those who say that life is an illusion -
                        And reality as we know it, is merely a figment of
                        our imaginations.  If this is so, Brad and Janet are
                        quite safe.  But - there are some who have a far
                        more physical philosophy - those who would stop at
                        nothing to satisfy their base desires -
                        It could be that Brad and Janet are among those who
                        hold the devil's reins.




                                SCENE FIVE

                                "JANET'S ROOM"

                                Voices in BLACKOUT.


JANET'S:                Oh Brad - Oh yes - Yes my darling -
                        What if..

BRAD'S:                 It's all right Janet - everything's going to be all
                        right.

JANET'S:                Oh I hope so my darling.  I'm so fri...

                                        (Lights UP)

                        You!

FRANK:                  I'm afraid so Janet but wasn't it nice...

JANET:                  You beast - you monster - what have you done with
                        Brad?

FRANK:                  Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?

JANET:                  You tricked me - I wouldn't have - I've never -
                        never.

FRANK:                  I know - but it wasn't all bad was it?
                        Not really even half bad - in fact, I think perhaps
                        you found it quite - pleasurable - Mmm - so soft
                        so - sensual.

JANET:                  Ahh - no - stop - I mean help - I - Brad - Ohhhh -
                        Brad.

FRANK:                  Shhh.  Brad's probably asleep by now - do you
                        wan't him to see you like this.

JANET:                  Like this?  Like how?  It's your fault you're to
                        blame... I was - saving my self.

FRANK:                  Well I'm sure you're not spent yet and it was an
                        enjoyable experience was it not?

                                        (Lights DIM)

                        You did like it didn't you.  There's no crime in
                        giving yourself over to pleasure - is there?
                        We could try for an action replay - Oh Janet
                        you've wasted so much time already - Brad needn't
                        know.  I won't tell him, Mmmm.

                                        (BLACKOUT)

JANET:                  Are you sure you won't tell him.  Ohhh...




                                        SCENE SIX

                                        "BRAD'S ROOM"

                                        Voices in BLACKOUT.


JANET'S:                Oh Brad - Oh yet - Yes my darling.

BRAD'S:                 It's all right Janet everything's going to be all
                        right.

JANET'S:                I hope so my darling.

                                        (Lights UP)

BRAD:                   You!

FRANK:                  I'm afraid so Brad - but wasn't it nice.

BRAD:                   Why you - What have you done with Janet?

FRANK:                  Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?

BRAD:                   You tricked me, I wouldn't have - I've never -
                        never.

FRANK:                  I know - but it wasn't all bad was it?  Not really
                        even half bad, in fact, I think you found it quite
                        pleasurable - Oh so soft - so sensual.

BRAD:                   Ah.  No - stop.  I mean - Janet - Ohh Janet.

FRANK:                  Shhh - Janet's probably asleep by now - Do you
                        want her to see you like this?

BRAD:                   Like this - Like how - It's your fault.  You're
                        to blame - I thought it was the real thing.

FRANK:                  A bottle of coke?  Oh come on Brad admit it.  It
                        was enjoyable wasn't it?  You liked it didn't you?
                        There's no crime in giving yourself over to
                        pleasure - is there?

                                        (Lights DIM)

                        We could try for an action replay.  Oh Brad you've
                        wasted so much time already - Janet needn't know.
                        I won't tell her - Mmm...

                                        (Blackout)

BRAD:                   Are you sure you won't tell her - Ohhh...

RIFF RAFF:              (on intercom)  Master - The labooratory is empty.
                        Rocky has vanished - the new playmate is loose
                        and somewhere in the building.

FRANK:                  Oh - Wow - What a - Mmm - Oh - Coming.


                                SCENE SEVEN

                                Laboratory.  Enter JANET.


JANET:                  What's happening here - Where's Brad? - Where's
                        anybody?  If only we hadn't made this journey - if
                        only the car hadn't broken down - if only we were
                        amongst friends or sane persons.

NARRATOR:               "If" and "only" - two small words - words that kept
                        repeating themselves again and again in Janet's
                        thoughts - but it was too late to go back now - it
                        were as if she were riding a giant tidal wave, it
                        would be folly to fight against it - her only chance
                        would be to ride it out - adapt - and perhaps also -
                        survive.

                                        (Enter ROCKY)

ROCKY:                  Oh!  It's you - look I'm trying to hide from my
                        creator and his minion - they scare me - I feel
                        that all is not well here.  I have been thinking a
                        lot about - (Eddie) I have a feeling of foreboding.

JANET:                  It's all like some terrible dream.

ROCKY:                  Is it true you don't like men with too many muscles?

JANET:                  Well...

ROCKY:                  Have you got any lip gloss?

JANET:                  I'm engaged to Brad, just the same as Betty Munroe was
                        to Ralf Hapshatt.  But Frank's kisses overwhelmed
                        me with an ecstasy I had never dreamed of before -
                        hot burning kisses - I could see Brad's face before
                        me, and my mind screamed - No!! - but my lips
                        were hungry, too hungry - I wanted to be loved,
                        and loved completely - my body throbbed excitedly -
                        Oh Brad, Brad my darling how could I have done
                        this to you.

ROCKY:                  This room is a womb to me.

JANET:                  Yes - there you see, it's instinctive - you returned
                        here for one thing - security.  Oh where's Brad -

                                        (She fiddles with TV monitor)

                        What have they done with him?

NARRATOR:               Janet's feelings ran wild as she frantically manipu-
                        lated the selector switch on the T.V. monitor - The
                        screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors -
                        finally she stopped - at Frank's bedroom.
                        (sees FRANK kissing BRAD)  Aaahhh!!

ROCKY:                  Oh you can't rely on anyone.

JANET:                  Oh Brad! - how could you?

NARRATOR:               If one is suffering the pangs of remorse for a
                        sexual indiscretion - it ould seem logical that the
                        transgressor would be sympathetic toward a loved
                        one caught in a similar misdemeanour - But emotion
                        is an irrational and powerful master - and from what
                        Janet witnessed on the monitor - there seemed little
                        doubt that she was indeed its slave.

JANET:                  I was feeling done in
                        Coudn't win
                        I'd only ever kissed before
                        I thought there's no use getting
                        into heavy petting
                        It only leads to trouble
                        And seat wetting.

                        Now all I want to know
                        Is how to go
                        I've tasted blood and I want more
                        I'll put up no resistance
                        I want to stay the distance
                        I've got an itch to scratch
                        And I need assistance

CHORUS:                 Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a - Touch me.
                        I want to be dirty
                        Thrill me chill me fulfil me
                        Creature of the night.

                        Then if anything grows
                        When you pose
                        I'll oil you up and rub you down
                        And that's just one small fraction
                        Of the main attraction
                        You need a friendly hand
                        And I need action.

                        REPEATS.

                        (CHORUS.  After Janet has sung it at least once
                        by herself, ROCKY comes in with ("Hot Patootie
                        Bless My Soul, I Really Love that Rock and Roll")
                        and sings it against Touch-a Touch-a etc.)

                                        BLACKOUT



                                        SCENE EIGHT


RIFF RAFF:              Aaaggghhh - Mercy!

FRANK:                  (with whip) How did it happen - I understood you
                        were to be watching.

RIFF RAFF:              I was only away for a moment.

FRANK:                  See if you can find him on the monitor.

                                        (Click - Brad's empty room -
                                        switch - switch - switch -
                                        Janet's room)

FRANK:                  Oh Bradlette

RIFF RAFF:              I've located him in the female's quarters, Master.

FRANK:                  Rocky!!

BRAD:                   Janet!!  How could she.  That's it - it's over.

NARRATOR:               Over!  What was over?  Not the night that was
                        certain.  Brad and Janet's engagement?  Their love
                        for one another?  Who could say - for questions such
                        as these are not to be answered by the academic
                        they must be left for the heart to solve and Brad
                        you may be sure, had plenty of heart.

BRAD:                   Once in a while
                        She don't want to call you
                        Speaking on the telephone
                        And once in your life
                        She won't want to know you
                        You look around
                        The one you found she is gone

                        And that's all the time
                        That it takes
                        For a heart to turn to stone
                        The sweeter the wine
                        The harder to make the break
                        You hear someting
                        About someone you thought you'd known

                        So baby don't cry
                        Like there's no tomorrow
                        After the night there's brand new day
                        And there'll be no pain
                        And no more sorrow
                        So wash your face
                        And phone my place.  It'll be okay.

                        And that's all the time
                        That it takes
                        For a heart to beat again
                        So give me a sign
                        That a lover makes
                        You look around the one
                        Found is back again...

FRANK:                  How maudlin - how pathetic - Your baggage has
                        dared to defile my beautiful creature - oh Rocky
                        how could you.

                                        (Static - on monitor - outside -
                                        a figure creeping toward hidden
                                        camera)

RIFF RAFF:              Master - we have a visitor

BRAD:                   Great Scott - Scotty - Dr. Evrett Scott.

RIFF RAFF:              You know this earth - this person?

BRAD:                   Yes, I do he's an old friend of mine.

FRANK:                  I see - so this wasn't simply a chance meeting -
                        you came here with a purpose.

BRAD:                   That's not true - my car broke down - I told you.

FRANK:                  I know what you told me, Brad - but this Dr.
                        Evrett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

BRAD:                   He was a science teacher at Denton High.

FRANK:                  And he now works for your Government -
                        doesn't he, Brad?  He's attached to the bureau
                        of the investigation of that which you call
                        U.F.O's - that's right, isn't it, Brad?

BRAD:                   He might be - I don't know.

RIFF RAFF:              The intruder is entering the building, Master.

FRANK:                  Ah he's in the Zen room.  Seal off all exits - and all
                        doors - except for those that lead here -
                        Riff Raff - bring Rocky and Janet here - I think we
                        should make this a social occasion.  The three
                        unexpected guests shall entertain us with a floor
                        show - which I shall direct.



                                SCENE NINE

                                Enter DOCTOR SCOTT in wheelchair
                                COLUMBIA pushing him.


COLUMBIA:               Hi - Ho - Silver.

BRAD:                   Dr. Scott!

SCOTTY:                 Brad - what are you doing here?

FRANK:                  Don't play games, Dr. Scott. It was part of your
                        plan, was it not, that Brad Majors and his female
                        should check the layout for you - unfortunately for
                        you all there is to be a change of plans - I'm sure
                        you're adaptable, Dr. Scott - I know Brad is.

SCOTTY:                 I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes
                        as a complete surprise to me.  As does the set up
                        you have here - I didn't exptct it to be quite so...

FRANK:                  Sophisticated - Dr. Scott?  Or should I say Dr. Von
                        Scott?

BRAD:                   What exactly are you implying?

SCOTTY:                 That's alright, Brad... Ah - this machine here...

BRAD:                   What do you think it is, Doc?

SCOTTY:                 At this precise moment it's hard to tell - but it
                        seems to be made of a metal that is not of this earth
                        - I would say that it was from another planet.

                                        (Doors OPEN.  Enter JANET)

JANET:                  Dr. Scott!!

SCOTTY:                 Janet!

FRANK:                  Rocky!

ROCKY:                  Piss off.

FRANK:                  Listen - I made you and I can break you just as
                        easily - I'll pull your plug out

SCOTTY:                 I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with
                        Eddie.

COLUMBIA:               Eddie!

MAGENTA &
RIFF RAFF:              Sshhh.

BRAD:                   Eddie - I've seen him, he looks terrible.

FRANK:                  What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

SCOTTY:                 I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things -
                        you see Eddie happened to be my nephew.

BRAD:                   Dr. Scott!

SCOTTY:                 Yes, Brad - my sister's boy.  I knew he was in with
                        a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined - aliens.

BRAD:                   Tell them, Doc.

SCOTTY:                 From the day he was born, he was trouble
                        He was the thorn in his mother's side.
                        She tried in vain,

NARRATOR:               But he never caused her nothing but pain.

SCOTTY:                 He left home the day she died.
                        From the day she was gone
                        All he wanted
                        Was a rockin' roll porn and a motor bike.
                        Shootin' up junk,

NARRATOR:               He was a low down cheap little punk.

SCOTTY:                 Taking everyone for a ride.

CHORUS:                 When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,
                        You knew he was a no good kid.
                        When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife,

FRANK:                  What a guy.

JANET:                  Made you cry.

SCOTTY:                 And I did.

NELL:                   Everybody shoved him.
                        I very nearly loved him.
                        I say hey listen to me
                        Stay sane inside insanity.
                        But he shut the door and threw away the key.

SCOTTY:                 But he must have been drawn in to something.
                        Making him warn me in a note which read

ALL:                    What's it say, What's it say.

SCOTTY:                 I'm out of my head.

NARRATOR:               Hurry or I may be dead.

SCOTTY:                 They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.

                                        Chorus

                                        (Repeat)

FRANK:                  What a guy,

JANET:                  Made you cry,

SCOTTY:                 And I did.

                                        (Repeat)

FRANK:                  Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him.  (He
                        pulls out a bag of blood and gore)  His destiny is in
                        the bag.

MAGENTA:                I'll put him down the waste disposal.

FRANK:                  Clever girl.

BRAD:                   Why you...

FRANK:                  (Flicks a switch) There, that should restrain you all.

JANET:                  My feet - there's something wrong with my feet.

SCOTTY:                 My wheels!  My God, I can't move my wheels.

BRAD:                   It's as if we were glued to the spot.

FRANK:                  You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools - O.K.
                        it's startime - Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on
                        programme 8 secure all levels at zero -

MAGENTA:                Relax.

SCOTTY:                 You won't find earth people quite the easy mark that
                        you imagine - this sonic transducer!  It is I suppose
                        some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular
                        transport device!

FRANK:                  You'd better believe it, baby.

BRAD:                   You mean...?

SCOTTY:                 Yes, Brad - it's something we ourselves have been
                        working on.  But it seems our friend here has found
                        a way of perfecting it - a device that is capable of
                        breaking down solid matter and then projecting it
                        through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.

JANET:                  You're going to send us to another planet?

FRANK:                  Planet - Shmanet Janet
                        Tell you once
                        Won't tell you twice
                        You'd better wise up Janet Weiss

                        Y'apple pie
                        Don't taste too nice
                        You'd better wise up Janet Weiss

                        I've laid the seed
                        It should be all you need
                        You're as sensual
                        As a pencil
                        Wound up like an 'E' or first string
                        When we made it
                        Did ja hear a bell ring?

                        Y' got a block
                        Take my advice
                        You'd better wise up Janet Weiss

                        The transducer
                        Will seduce yah
                        It's something you'll get used to
                        A mental mind-fuck can be nice

                        You'd better wise up - Janet Weiss
                        You'd better wise up
                        Build your thighs up
                        You'd better wise up

NARRATOR:               And then she cries out.

JANET:                  Stop!!

FRANK:                  Don't get hot and flustered
                        Use a bit of mustard.

ALL
(Voices building)       *You're a hot dog
                        But you'd better not try to hurt her
                        Frank Furter

                        (* This keeps repeating and one by one they
                        are released by FRANK signalling MAGENTA
                        to pull the switch - in turn they make for
                        FRANK and are sprayed by RIFF RAFF and
                        become drugged.  He rushes them into the transducer
                        entrance)

                                        (MAGENTA keeps singing
                                        after everyone else has stopped)

FRANK:                  Magenta, relax.

                                        (RIFF RAFF sprays her)

                        Columbia - The artistes are in a molecular
                        state somewhere between entrance and exit.
                        (RIFF RAFF sprays her)  When they've pulled
                        themselves together - see that they are
                        prepared for the floorshow.

COLUMBIA:               Oh Wow - I can dig it - much - far out - what a
                        gas - that's groovy - I'm hip, man - it's like a
                        trip - oh nice one - freak out baby - dig you later.

FRANK:                  It's not easy having a good time - even smiling
                        makes my face ache - and my children turn on
                        me - Rocky's behaving just as Eddie did - maybe
                        I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the
                        two of them.

MAGENTA:                When do we return to Transalvania? - I grow weary
                        of this world.

FRANK:                  Magenta I am indeed grateful to both you and your
                        brother Riff Raff - you have both served me well -
                        loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you
                        will discover that when the mood takes me, I can
                        be quite generous.

MAGENTA:                I ask for nothing, Master.

FRANK:                  And you shall receive it in abundance - come - our
                        guests will be growing restless. (exits)

                                        (MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF look
                                        at one another - they make an
                                        extraterrestial sign.  EXIT)

NARRATOR:               And so, by some extraordinary coincidence - fate
                        it seems had decided that Brad and Janet should
                        keep that appointment with their friend Dr. Evrett
                        Scott.  But, it was to be in a situation which none
                        of them could have possibly foreseen - And, just a
                        few hours after announcing their engagement Brad
                        and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit - This in
                        itself was proof that their host was a man of little
                        morals and some persuasion -

                        What further indignities were they to be subjected
                        to... ? - And what of the sonic transducer and the
                        floorshow that had been spoken of? - What indeed? -
                        From what had gone before it was clear that this
                        was to be no picnic.



                                        SCENE TEN

                                        Each enters singly - wearing black
                                        stocking and suspenders and black
                                        underwear and finally they become
                                        a slow-motion chorus line.

COLUMBIA:               It was great
                        When it all began
                        I was a regular Franky Fan
                        But it was over when he had the plan
                        To start working on a muscle-man
                        Now the only thing that gives me hope
                        Is my love of a certain dope
                        Rose tints my world keeps me
                        Safe from my trouble and pain.

ROCKY:                  I'm just seven hours old
                        Truly beautiful to behold
                        And somebody should be told
                        My libido hasn't been controlled
                        Now the only thing I've come to trust
                        Is an orgasmic rush of lust
                        Rose tints my world keeps me
                        Safe from my trouble and pain.

BRAD:                   It's beyond me
                        Help me mommy
                        I'll be good you'll see
                        Take this dream away
                        What's this, let's see
                        I feel sexy
                        What's come over me
                        Here it comes again

JANET:                  I feel released
                        Bad times deceased
                        My confidence has increased
                        Reality is here
                        The game has been disbanded
                        My mind has been expanded
                        It's a gas that Frankie's landed
                        His lust is so sincere

FRANK:                  What ever happened to Fay Wray
                        That delicate satin draped frame
                        As it clung to her thigh
                        How I started to cry
                        For I wanted to be dressed just the same.

                        Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
                        Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
                        Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
                        And sensual daydreams to treasure forever -
                        Can't you just see it.

                        Don't dream it - Be it

                        Don't dream it - Be it

                        Don't dream it - Be it

                                        (This continues fading slowly and
                                        through this comes SCOTTY's
                                        thoughts - as he sings, the blanket
                                        reveals his stocking-clad legs)

SCOTTY:                 Hmm.. We've got to get out of this trap
                        Before this decadence saps our wills
                        I've got to be strong and try to hang on
                        Or my mind may well snap
                        And my life will be lived for the thrills

BRAD:                   It's beyond me
                        Help me mommy

JANET:                  God bless Lilly St. Cyr.

FRANK:                  (screaming) MY MY MY MY

                        I'm a wild and an untamed thing
                        I'm a bee with a deadly sting
                        Get a hit, and your mind goes ping
                        Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
                        So let the party and the sounds rock on
                        Gonna shake it till the life has gone
                        Rose tint my world
                        Keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

                                        (They all sing "We're a wild and
                                        an untamed thing" - right through
                                        twice.

                                        RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA enter
                                        dressed in extraterrestial
                                        national costume)

RIFF RAFF:              Frank n Furter
                        It's all over
                        Your mission is a failure
                        Your life style's too extreme
                        I'm your new commander
                        You now are my prisoner
                        We return to Transalvania
                        Prepare the transit beam.

                                        (ALL freeze)

FRANK:                  Wait - I can explain

                                        (He is left alone)

                        On the day I went away

ALL:                    Goodbye

FRANK:                  Was all I had to say

ALL:                    Now I

FRANK:                  Want to come again and stay

ALL:                    Oh my

FRANK:                  Smile and that will mean I may

                        I've seen blue skies
                        Throught the tears in my eyes
                        And I realise I'm going home

                        Everywhere it's been the same

ALL:                    Feeling

FRANK:                  Like I'm outside in the rain

ALL:                    Wheeling

FRANK:                  Free to try and find a game

ALL:                    Dealing

FRANK:                  Cards for sorrow cards for pain

                        I've seen blue skies
                        Through the tears in my eyes
                        And I realise - I'm going home
                        I'm going home
                        I'm going home




                                SCENE ELEVEN


MAGENTA:                How sentimental.

RIFF RAFF:              And also presumptious of you - you see when I said
                        `we' were to return I referred only to Magenta and
                        myself - I'm sorry however if you found my words
                        misleading - you see you are to remain here - in
                        spirit anyway -

                                        (He produces a ray gun)

SCOTTY:                 Great heavens - that's a laser.

RIFF RAFF:              Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam
                        of pure anti-matter.

BRAD:                   You mean you're going to kill him? - What's his crime.

FRANK:                  Oh Brad.

SCOTTY:                 You saw what had become of Eddie - Society must
                        be protected.

RIFF RAFF:              Exactly, Dr Scott - Now Frank-n-Furter, your time
                        has come - say goodbye to all this - and hello to
                        oblivion.

FRANK:                  Do your worst - inferior one.

COLUMBIA:               No!!  No!!

                                        (She throws herself between
                                        RIFF RAFF and FRANK - BLATTT -
                                        She and FRANK are both killed.

                                        ROCKY bellows and beats his chest,
                                        picks up FRANK.  RIFF RAFF fires
                                        again and again until finally ROCKY
                                        dies.  Spectacularly)

BRAD:                   Good God.

RIFF RAFF:              Yes.

JANET:                  You've killed them.

MAGENTA:                I thought you liked them - they liked you.

RIFF RAFF:              (screams) They didn't like me - They never liked
                        me.  You saw the way things were - the way they were
                        going

SCOTTY:                 You did right.

RIFF RAFF:              A decision had to be made.

SCOTTY:                 You're O.K. by me.

RIFF RAFF:              Dr. Scott I'm sorry about our nephew.

SCOTTY:                 Yes - perhaps it's for the best.

RIFF RAFF:              You should leave now, Dr. Scott
                        While it is still possible
                        We are about to beam the entire house
                        Back to the planet of transexual
                        In the galaxy of Transalvania
                        Go now -

                                        (RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA look at one
                                        another.  They start to laugh quietly -
                                        it builds)

MAGENTA:                I wonder if I remembered to lock up the dogs -
                        (they laugh louder)

RIFF RAFF:              No matter, Magenta - activate the transit crystal.

BRAD:                   I've done a lot
                        God knows I've tried
                        To find the truth
                        I've even lied
                        But all I know
                        Is down inside

ALL:                    I'm bleeding

JANET:                  And super heroes
                        Come to feast
                        To taste the flesh
                        Not yet deceased
                        And all I know
                        Is still the beast

ALL:                    Is feeding

                        Ahh Ahh etc. ...

                                        (Chant)

NARRATOR:               And crawling on the planets face
                        Some insects called the human race
                        Lost in time
                        And lost in space

ALL:                    And meaning.

                                        (SCOTTY, BRAD and JANET are
                                        left alone with nothing
                                        but the wind.)

                                        BLACKOUT


                                        EPILOGUE

MAGENTA:                (as usherette) Science Fiction - double feature
                        Frank has built and lost his creature
                        Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet
                        The servants gone to a distant planet
                        Oh - at the late night double feature
                        Picture show - I want to go - Ohh -
                        To the late night double feature picture show.




                                THE END

  • Last Update 12/15/95 - Jim Hetzer
     Copyright © 1995 Cosmo's Factory
    All Rights Reserved